Anger is a powerful emotion.
And, it is highly misunderstood
Some basic concepts about emotions...
For example, you are on a hike in the woods and you see a snake on the path in front of you. The information from your eyes is picked up by a part of your brain called the amygdala which registers the threat and causes you to freeze in your tracks. This is done without any thought on your part as your survival may be at stake. The job of your brain is to keep you alive.
You want this reaction to happen automatically if your life is really on the line.
The problem is that, while the threat to Mr. Caveman was always real and his survival was at stake, with most modern threats your survival is rarely at risk.
Your emotions are the result of the thoughts you have about your situation. You create your thoughts and the feelings follow.
For example: Your anger tells you that you see a threat that you can eliminate if you throw enough power at it. The threat may be to your safety, your body, your values, your finances, your goals, or your ego. Your anger tells you that you need to evaluate the true nature of the threat.
The actions you take are based on this evaluation and are your response to the situation. Acting without this evaluation is called a reaction and will often get you in trouble.
A basic misconception about anger..
I know this is a tough one for most of us to accept so we can take a closer look and use a traffic jam as an example.
If you are in a hurry to get somewhere, you will get upset or even angry at the traffic. If, however, you have all the time in the world, your favorite artist is on the radio and your car and the air conditioning are both working great, you will tend to sit back and let the moment pass. The same situation, the traffic, results in two completely different emotional responses.
If the traffic jam made you angry, it would affect everyone the same way.
The sun makes us hot. It affects everyone the same way and what we think about it is irrelevant.
And, it is highly misunderstood
Some basic concepts about emotions...
- The words human emotions and feelings mean the same thing.
- Anger is an emotion and all human emotions are tools which you can use to improve and gain control over your life.
- We are born with primary emotions including mad anger evaluation, sad, glad (happy), fear, disgust, surprise and interest. These feelings are tools that our ancestors used to survive.
- Just like the tools in your kitchen (the stove, specific pots, the thermometer, and the microwave), the tools in your office (the computer, the telephone, and the printer), and the tools in your garage (your car, the hammer, and the washer and dryer), each emotional tool has a specific purpose and serves you best when it is appropriately used.
- Your eyes, nose and skin are sensors which, like radar, scan your environment. Your emotions inform you about what your senses have picked up. This is the message of your emotion. Your feelings also prepare you to take action and give you the opportunity to choose whether you want to do something about the situation facing you or ignore it.
- Your emotions are your first line of defense against threat.
For example, you are on a hike in the woods and you see a snake on the path in front of you. The information from your eyes is picked up by a part of your brain called the amygdala which registers the threat and causes you to freeze in your tracks. This is done without any thought on your part as your survival may be at stake. The job of your brain is to keep you alive.
You want this reaction to happen automatically if your life is really on the line.
- You REACT to your primary emotions the same way your ancestor, Mr. Caveman, reacted to his basic emotions.
- He got angry
- He made menacing facial and verbal expressions.
- Adrenalin rushed through his body.
- He was ready to fight for his survival.
The problem is that, while the threat to Mr. Caveman was always real and his survival was at stake, with most modern threats your survival is rarely at risk.
- You create the emotion you feel.
Your emotions are the result of the thoughts you have about your situation. You create your thoughts and the feelings follow.
- Every emotion you have gives you information about how you see the situation you are in.
For example: Your anger tells you that you see a threat that you can eliminate if you throw enough power at it. The threat may be to your safety, your body, your values, your finances, your goals, or your ego. Your anger tells you that you need to evaluate the true nature of the threat.
The actions you take are based on this evaluation and are your response to the situation. Acting without this evaluation is called a reaction and will often get you in trouble.
A basic misconception about anger..
- People or situations make you angry.
I know this is a tough one for most of us to accept so we can take a closer look and use a traffic jam as an example.
If you are in a hurry to get somewhere, you will get upset or even angry at the traffic. If, however, you have all the time in the world, your favorite artist is on the radio and your car and the air conditioning are both working great, you will tend to sit back and let the moment pass. The same situation, the traffic, results in two completely different emotional responses.
If the traffic jam made you angry, it would affect everyone the same way.
The sun makes us hot. It affects everyone the same way and what we think about it is irrelevant.
